expressions

been here for more than a month. that's more than a month of being far from maki.

if there ever is a person i miss so much, it would be him. the rest of them back in there are important too, but i have grown used to being far from them such that these days do not mean so much of homesickness to me. except when i think of maki.

five years old, so lively and manipulative, maki is the one thing i could not live without. each passing day i always think of him, how he fares in school, what toys is he playing, what he does at this moment, and so many other things yet. i worry about his baon to school, about his assignments, his exams, and these are the moments when i wish i were there in our old place, teaching him his lessons and playing with him until late at night.

i miss the smile he flashes when asked if mother and son look the same. i miss those times when he would simply sit on a corner and tinker on his toys, or when he watches cartoons and racing movies. i miss cradling him. i carried him to sleep a few months back, and though he was heavy i was still able to sing him songs from his early childhood. there is this song i always sang when he was young. and growing up, he has come to memorize the song. it really feels so good that this child had this song associated to me and that over the years, he has come to love this particular song.

there are a lot more i could say about maki. but remembering him, the time i spent with him, and the time i did not spend with him, send a bullet through my heart, each time crushing me and breaking me down. i miss him. so much that it hurts.

(from blogspot entry)

wish it were thursday already, my mind screams.

thursdays are ultra special to me lately. for one, thursday is the last day of the working week. fridays and saturdays i am off to bond with my bed, my laundry, and of course the internet. this coming thursday however is a bit more special than the usual because then i would end my contract here. i know it is wrong to wait for days to come by. i also know that every minute is important as it can't be brought back. but nonetheless, i also know that i am not so happy being here, being far from the people i know, and from the place that i have started to learn how to live in.

by thursday, in shallah, i will hand over all my reports and responsibilities to the kabayan who has given me the opportunity to have a taste of UAE work. and by thursday, in shallah, i could get a hold of the promised and most-awaited reward. really, may the lord allow such a thing to happen this thursday and not later than that.

i may feel like this week is a long stretch. sunday, monday i have to work. tuesday is new year and i am not so sure how i would celebrate the coming of another year, then comes wednesday when kabayan comes back to work then thursday for goodbyes. i really can't wait.

i am about to end a chapter of my life and begin with another. as i end my stint here in abu dhabi this coming thursday, another page is coming up. friday and saturday as i said will be bonding with my bed, my laundry and the internet, and come sunday i will be occupying another room, sit in another chair, and meet new associates. in shallah, everything will be fine for me. al hamdulillah!

Posted by chikadee at 4:36:00 PM



3 comments:
yesa said...
First thing first, unsa nang In Shallah?

Honestly speaking, medyo hadlok ko kon unsa ako life dha ba. What if dugay ko maka work? What if maglisud ko? What if dli nako kaya? Ug unsa-unsa pa na "what-ifs".

Unta if naa nako dha madam, tabangan jud ko nmo. huhuhu

January 10, 2008 9:05 AM
chikadee said...
arabic words:

in shaallah- if the lord permits
al hamdulillah- thanks be to god
dismilla- i start the day with god
shukran- thank you
af wan- welcome

mao pa lang ako ma remember as of this moment... (i got a lot of tutors here, hehehe, al hamdulillah).

January 10, 2008 6:31 PM
handsome otoy said...
what if kaya yessa mu adto na ka Dubai unya pag settle namo ni ruth kay maki puyo mi ni barbz bwehehehe

ruth musta naman ka? RC na lang ako ihatag kay macky

uy tama di ay i apil sa imong liks akong websites

www.clickdavao.com
www.davaorealestae.net
www.clickdavao.com/classifieds

ikamusta ko sa mga taga brok dinha heheh

fyi : imong blog sulod sa top 10 sa search engine sa Kazakhstan

bwehehehehehe

January 22, 2008 1:03 PM

ano nga ba ang ibig sabihin ng pasko? minsan kasi naa-associate lang natin ang pasko sa bakasyon, sa mga regalo, sa mga gimik ng pamilya at barkada. lately though, simula nung umalis ako at nagpakalayo nag iba na ang tingin ko sa mga bagay-bagay.

katulad ng pasko. napaisip tuloy ako sa kung ano talaga ang kahulugan nito. eh di ba't ito yung araw na ipinanganak si Kristo, so hindi pala dapat na tayo ang bigyan ng aginaldo dahil hindi naman natin kaarawan ang december 25. wala, napaisip lang ako.

anyway, happy new year to all! hmmm... time to make new year's resolutions na naman. ano nga ba ang magandang resolusyon? ang ayaw ko sa sarili ko lately ay yung pagiging "player" in many fields. sige na nga, by 2008 i will take things slowly and seriously. ano pa ba ang mga dapat kong baguhin sa sarili ko? yung pagiging latecomer ko nga pala, yung mabilisang pagbabago ng isip ko, at ang pagka "empty-head" ko when it comes to directions. absent yata ako nung nag discuss kami ng map-reading sa klase, but anyhow i must learn to find my direction (in truth, di ko pa rin kayang umalis ng bahay na mag isa at pumunta sa suki naming net cafe, whew, what an indiot i am sometimes talaga!).

so much for resolutions. i am sure i could hardly make all of those din naman. but i'll try.

have a happy 2008 everyone!

Posted by chikadee at 7:25:00 PM



1 comments:
yesa said...
Don't worry, i'll be coming over na in 2-3 months.. so dungag ko sa listahan sa mawala pa ug labaw na dungag ko sa dli kabalo mubasa ug map. bwahehehe

January 10, 2008 9:01 AM

it's the dawn of yet another year. now it is time for me to rethink of my priorities, my plans in the immediate future, and of my sins.

though faraway from family and friends and my comfort zones, i welcomed the new year with a light heart. i walked home after office last december 31, silently crying for the separation but nonetheless thankful for the time i had to be alone. at midnight, we had a sumptuous meal comprised of seafoods. i was with ate haidy, kuya bob and their kids (harriet, hyacinth, hillary and 2J). arlene and ate lot were also family. ate a lot of tiger shrimps that later on gave me the rashes. so much for seafoods!

the service later in the day was a meeting of culture. people from different walks of life came together to hear their first mass for 2008 at st. joseph's cathedral. the banquet that followed was an exhibition of different foods. i got a plateful and left the hall.

first sin committed this year: oversleeping. slept until 10am, ate and watched tv while busy with the phone and the internet, slept again at 2pm until 4pm, the mass, then slept at 8pm until 6.30 this morning. my head feels so heavy i swear i would not want to oversleep again.

===


yesa said...
Hay! kon ikaw oversleeping, ako ky matulog sa adlawan laag sa gabii. hehehe. Wla nkoy lain gibuhat during my christmas holiday but party at night.

PLUS super dooper kaon. hehehe

January 10, 2008 8:59 AM


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January 14, 2008 1:56 PM


otoy said...
duhh! nag sulat na sad ka ruth na ang maganahan taga Kazakhstan lang hehehehehe unsa na balita? uy ibutang sa imong links akong mga website beh!

www.clickdavao.com
www.davaorealestate.net
www.clickdavao.com/classifieds


happynew year pahak!

January 22, 2008 12:57 PM

"hey, u have not seen anything, have u?" that was my first question to the man standing near the gate. he was staring at me like he has never seen anyone fall before.

Nanay Dina and Baby Abby
they've been there for more than 2 weeks. and even if they stayed in the hotel, the accommodation wasn't at all comfortable what with the daily fee of 50 dirhams. and the food, it was not somethng appetizing.
Baby Abby had her bout of chicken pox while staying in Oman for the entire duration of her exit. her visa did not come so soon that she had to endure being away from mommy while she was sick. room 210 was her refuge. and she sent nanay dina to a frenzy when she had high fever and didn't want to take in anything.

Saji
she's 20 years old and therefore is not allowed to work in the UAE. she finished nursing at the age of 19, went to the UAE to try her luck, found a job in one of the emirate's government facilities. she is earning a fortune now but she had to go out of the emirates for visa change. it is now her 16th day in Oman and still the possibility of a visa is as blurry as the mud down the hill.

the indian man
he's old, and balding. he came up to me one of those dreary nights. i was sitting in the hotel lobby. he asked if i had my visa yet, i told him not. he said he had been there for 10 days already and he has to wait for 5 days more before his employment visa comes. he has no money in his wallet and he has not eaten well for several days already. he said he worries about his family in india as he has not sent them money yet. he wants to lend his phone but he is waiting for communication from his company and from his agency and so the idea would not be good. one time i gave him enough for a meal. before i left the hotel to head back to UAE i gave him a little amount to last him a couple of days more if he would spend it wisely.

*** these are not their real names.

Posted by chikadee at 8:41:00 PM



1 comments:
yesa said...
Madam, ana pud diay kalisud dha? Nakulbaan man hinoon ko oi. Ikaw, naa nka working visa? abi gud nako dali lng magka working visa dha, dli diay?

February 6, 2008 10:59 AM

i have so much to talk, but that was a little while ago. now, with the internet so slow, i have nothing to write down but complaints i'd rather not tell, duh! down with this net connection.

everyone of us have our own story to tell. it has not been easy going away from our usual comfort zones, to walk down the streets of D and find our way as we go from one interview to another, and the bus was a real ordeal! one would have to wait for an hour or more to get to destination. taxi drivers here are rude and the pay is worth a cadbury bar, so it's not always an option.

ethel and i are the lucky ones to have easily gotten a job. a few days after i came to this unfamiliar city, i got a call for a month-long relieving post. the offer was way too good for one who is used to getting only a 4-digit pay and so it was not an offer to turn down. a week after i started the job, i had interview schedules coming my way. one job offered was to be a recruitment consultant for one of the emirates' recruitment agencies. i was asked how much is the salary i would like to get. and crazy me, i asked for something low.

the story of ethel is not something so different. she started working 3 weeks from arrival. she is receiving the same pay as i get, but she works from dawn til dust. not that it's the working hours of the company she is in, but the workload just seems to pull her down to her last professional element that now she is a walking zombie! she is thinking of leaving her work and find something else but the idea of taking the bus heading to Terminal 1 of the airport is not something to look forward to. so much for the thought of being deported!

tina, on the other hand, is the very lucky one. in a few month's time she will be a millionaire, hahaha! we are so happy for her especially that she was the most cry-baby of us all. she would be engrossed in her own emotional struggles that she would not hear a word that we told her. thankfully, she has the most lucrative job among us all. and her company's the biggest in the emirates. it's like working in san miguel!

anne has just received her pay last weekend. we had taza! hmmmm, so yummy. chicken from taza is always something we have to thank for. for one, it tastes really heaven. another reason is its price, it is really affordable! (just do not convert it to peso, hahaha). going to and from work she has to wait for the bus for 2-3 hours a day. sometimes, she walks. but i don't think she would have much energy to walk the road as she does not take lunch during her break. why? because no one else in their office does.

there's so much more to tell, got not much time. got to run for breakfast...i think the tilapia is now fried.

Posted by chikadee at 2:33:00 PM

there were so plenty of fish around me last night! fish of different kinds, different sizes, different colors. i thought of how wonderful it is to be eating fried tilapia, or paksiw na dilis. i have always loved eating these sea creatures. and the shrimps! goodness, there were so plenty of them. i thought of the sumptuous meal that was coming, of all the glorious feeling one gets when the stomach is stuffed. i thought of the refrigerator that would be full, of the plastic containers that had to be prepared, of the crammed small table that we have.

there were so many good thoughts to have as i struggled cleaning them all.

(one would think that the dubai shopping festival has changed to dubai fish festival for the 6 of us. last night verlyn and anne went to the fish market. with a AED 70 budget, they came back with two bags-ful of fish and shrimps, all so fresh and so overly cheap! so how was the labor divided? jeal and i had to clean the reward of their labor while tina had to wash the night's dishes. ethel was excused from the household chores, she's a zombie afterall and would not need more chores.)

oh yeah, the pricks still hurt up to today...

Posted by chikadee at 4:18:00 PM

this week proves to be so blessed for me. imagine 3 placements in a week, isn't that so blessed?!

i must admit that early of this week i had been feeling so low. i was working on a dampening spirit, holding on to what little self-esteem i had left in me as i was torn between going on with my work or quitting, when suddenly i placed one and then 2 days after i placed 2. so that makes it 3 in week! talk about luck...

Posted by chikadee at 7:25:00 PM



1 comments:
otoy said...
eh di maayo naka 3 ka... apila mi ni barbz ha heheheheh

February 23, 2008 11:02 PM

... and the friends i live with are colder.

lately i find it hard to stay under the same roof with them. it all started the day before we had to exit for oman. T was in need of money, A was in need too. I, on the other hand, was extremely grateful to have friends around who were willing to lend me the amount necessary for ticket and visa.

not that i didn't have money. i had. a month's toil in distant abu dhabi rendered me more than enough for what i needed. but the the concern was that, i had to get the money from abu dhabi which was 2 hours away, desert to desert. and the person to give me my labor's fruits was only available at 8.30 in the evening, or so he said. so i had to contend with the icy cold night if i had to go get the money.

since T needed to borrow from me i asked for her company to go to abu dhabi. not only did she refuse me her society, she also raised her voice at me and doubted me. what more, she even dared doubt that i already had the money a long time ago and that i only did not tell them, intentionally. so what was she suggesting, that i was that selfish? that all those times when we didn't have much food in the fridge i had money in my pocket all along?

if one says that to you, would you still want to give her the money she loaned?

i went to abu dhabi on my own. it was freezing. and it was dark when i reached there. i had to stay in al whada mall to wait for the money. and the man reached at 11.30! so what was i doing there at that time when i could have simply slept at home and wait for my friends' money for my own exit? you would think i was crazy to be out there to get the money for T's use.

tell me if i am selfish, but i called E on the morrow of that fateful day to tell T i could only loan her half of what she needed. I could not give her the whole amount. she was sleeping all along the night before, so lucky for her, while i was out there, in the cold mall, with no dinner and fearful as the stalls were closing one by one.

tell me if i were not a true friend to her. i just think it was her who have gone over the bounds of friendship. true friends would not shout at the other, especially if she is the one who needs the favor.

Posted by chikadee at 11:07:00 PM



2 comments:
Anonymous said...
yup.... tell T to ask you nicely again if she needs money.... and tell her to pay you immediately...

March 11, 2008 10:53 AM
yesa said...
I can't judge anyone just as that. Maybe she was just so worried about her own exit, but that doesn't mean she has to act that way. I really don't know what to say to her though. I have too much of worries in me when i get there. What if i ran into situation like her? =(

God bless me.

... and my time is gone.
... and i am off to sleep.
... and i shall go to the bathroom to pay tribute to nature.
... and i start the day.
... and i shall call this and that applicants.
... and i shall pack for home.
... and all my time is gone.
... and all the 5 minutes are gone.

Posted by chikadee at 11:14:00 PM



1 comments:
yesa said...
oh well, 5 hours of sleep is not even enough for me. How much more in 5 mins? x-x

hehehehe

March 15, 2008 2:55 PM

ambot nganong ginasamukan ko aning blogspot?!
di man gud makita ako last 3 posts.
gikapoy bya ko encode ato.
suya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!