expressions

*** I was never the technologically-inclined type of person. I was into books and print-out materials rather than electronic references. It was only when I got the post as the Electronic Content Developer of BC that I started to have a new outlook on the latest trend in technology. Geeez, and to think I was not even friendly to computers before!

*** right at this moment i am talking to a friend online. she was a classmate from college. asked her to give me some creative and witty name for my account. guess what she said? she said i am more creative than her (implying she can't also think of one, hehehe). you think so, khessa babes? hmmm, i wonder where all the creativity has gone now...

it is one of those days when being lazy and sitting idle for a long time in front of the computer is excusable.  despite the heavy workload listed on my palm top's scheduler, in fact- inspite of the personal admittance that time is as precious as the slices of chocolate mallows that i am almost running out of (the box of goodies is from a friend who's uncle just came from the chocolate capital of the world), the heavy rain outside is a welcome visitor, a reason good enough to put things aside, even for just a couple of hours.

i don't know what it is with rain that makes one's heart feel heavy.  it is when it rains that i feel so alone.  even if copies of my favorite films abound the area.  even if potato chips and chocolate cookies are aplenty.  i just feel depressed whenever it rains.

or maybe it's because we had a terrible fight last night that i am feeling this miserable.  it was a misunderstanding profounded by the fact that we both have changed our ideals.  what it is that you want that i do not want? what is it that which you understand that i don't?

i've sat here for so long now.  my cup of coffee's now empty.  over a cup of coffee i realized the world's greatest mistake.  people never really enjoy the rain.

I couldn’t remember how in the world we became close.  John is his name.  But I call him Juan.  Or manong.  But he is younger than me.  It’s just that he looks a bit older than his age that I call him that.  I know he’d be kicking by now (I forwarded this article to him) in a mixture of vehement reactions.  But he’s just like that, so there’s nothing to fear.

Juan is a friend of a friend.  He looks mature. Just don’t talk to him and you would know how childlike and childish he is.  A young man of 24 summers, he surprises me when he delights in all things simple.  Especially when it comes to books.

He has never read The Little Prince.  He is having a good laugh at the Animal Farm at the moment.  And he cried when he read The Alchemist.

I oftentimes tease him for things like this.  I’ve had my reading of the Little Prince when I was in 4^th grade.  Animal Farm on my 2^nd year in High School. The Alchemist a year ago.  And I approached the materials with fascination and enthusiasm that led me to reading more of the mentioned topics in these books. 

But for Juan, my friend Juan, he simply delights in the materials for what they are.  Upon reading the Alchemist he simply appreciated the book for what is was worth.  I am sure he never opened some other books related to chemistry and alchemy.  Now he is reading the Animal Farm.  I bet he won’t go back to reading history and the revolution. 

For Juan and the child in him, the world may be an apple but he would not complicate things by asking what color it is.  He won’t even ask what brand of an apple it is (*wink).  He is simple.  And sometimes I envy him for that.  For Juan who, at the moment, delights in reading the Animal Farm, kudos!

When I think of it, the week-long exile in the computer laboratory was not so bad at all.  It was tiring, yes, and I reached the point of complete apathy to the equipment that I was supposed to be taking care of.  I put the blame on Barbs.

While Barbs must be having the best time of his life, enjoying scenic Cebu and the sand of the nearby islands, I took his post and I swear I would never trade positions again, not even if he were to cajole me with butingtings which he knows I love, or treat me to the best food place in town. 

Being the laboratory in-charge, I came face to face with the problems that laboratory assistants were trying to tell me before.  But of course, not actually confronted with the issues and concerns they raised, I simply shrugged it off.  Well, not really.  I just didn’t give it ample attention and dismissed it as some natural laboratory phenomena.  However, a week’s incarceration in the laboratory told me something is really wrong.  That serious attention has to be paid if one would not want the same things to happen over and over again.

Of course it was the examinations week when I stayed in the lab, so expectedly schedules were more demanding and tasks heavier and back-breaking.  It was no fun when I had to struggle with computers that were already not so good in shape.  I can’t blame them (the computers) if their tolerance had snapped (some of them did).  They’ve already served us well and even computers need to rest (*wink).  Setting up the online exam program every after an hour and thirty minutes was tiring, monitoring Internet usage of students during examination periods boring, waiting on hard-headed students to finish the exam (many of them exceeded the time allotted) was a test to my patience, and talking to students to exit the lab so I could start setting up for the next schedule was a real test to my endurance.  I could be a bit bitchy sometimes, but the workload just wore me down that I would rather sit and wait rather than engage in verbal exchange of wit and excuses. 

It may sound like I despise the experience.  I don’t.  I just wouldn’t want to have the same experience again.  But then again, I just stayed here for a week! Geeez, Barbs, I could break your neck when you come back.  (Of course I can’t do that, he’s bigger than me, and we’re good friends.)  You never told me… I never listened rather.

heto na naman po ako, nagkakandarapa sa kakagawa ng mga bagay-bagay na noon ko pa dapat ginawa.  kung bakit naman kasi tatamad-tamad ako kung malayo pa ang mga deadline kaya eto, hindi na halos makahinga sa dami ng mga ginagawa.  sa mga panahong ganito nararapat lamang na maging henyo ako (o kami ng mga kagaya ko) sa paghahanap ng mga paraan upang maka cope up sa pressure (hehehe *wink). kaya sa mga gaya ko, heto po ang ilang mga tips para magamit nang tama ang oras at mahabol ang pagsumite ng papers/requirements:

1) simplify things.  ilang araw din ako na-mental block sa kakaisip kung ano ang magiging topic ko sa mga papers ko sa grad school kaya nung minsang pag-uwi ko (at naiirita pa ako nun sa mga drivers na katabi ko- nasa gitna kasi ako nila) naisip ko na lang na yung pinag usapan na lang nila ang i-submit ko sa aking interview report.  kesa naman mamatay ako sa kakaisip kung tama bang tungkol sa euclidian theory or si monarch newton ang isulat ko, bakit hindi yung nasa harap ko na talaga ang isulat ko. 

2) kapag feeling mo naninikip na ang hininga mo sa kaba, take rest.  kung pamilyar ka sa kanta ni bon jovi na "give me something for the pain" makaka-relate ka dun (give me something for the pain, give me something for the blues, give me something for the pain when i'm feeling like i'm dangling from a hangman's noose).  kaya naman last weekend, umuwi ako sa probinsya at di ko muna inisip ang mga dapat kong gawin, as in inubos ko ang 4 na araw sa kakakain at kakatulog (di ko na kasi halos nagagawa ang mga yan pag ganitong papatapos na ang semester).

3) while on break, balikan mo ang mga old writings mo, malay mo may makuha ka sa mga luma mong write-ups/trabaho (kahit pa nung college) tapos revise mo na lang nang konti then presto! pwedeng-pwede ng i-submit, eh di nabawasan na naman ang work load mo.

4) as for checking literary work of your class (kunyari teacher kang gaya ko sa lit), pwede mong magamit ang mga extra time mo sa pag check ng mga papers ng mga estudyante mo (ginawa ko yun while sitting for 6 hours going to the province)- while naga-unwind ka.  ang believe mo, mae-enjoy mo yung time na yun na di mo gaanong feel ang pressure sa faculty room.

5) importante rin na nakakatulog ka nang mahimbing sa gabi kasi kung hindi, mental block naman ang makukuha mo eh di mas lalong di mo nagagawa yung mga dapat mong gawin.  pero kung kailangang gising ka at medyo inaantok ka na, kumain ka ng chocolates para mawala ang antok mo.

ano pa ba ang mga dapat nating gawin? well actually mali yati na ganito ang advise ko.  lumalabas na tini-treat ko na lang ang mali ko.  ang dapat talaga, gawin ang mga bagay na nararapat gawin sa nakatakdang oras nang sa ganon ay di ko na kailangan pang maglitanya nang ganito kahaba sa sarili ko (at sayo rin kung nababagay sayo).

been wondering why, when we watch the tv or listen to social and interactive news, topics on breaking up and filing the annulment or divorce is a common thing.  was awaken this morning by a phone message about a friend breaking up with another friend and i thought another "could-be" great relationship is over.  it is such a pain to see friends crying, whining while recounting the good old days, and during these times i get this knack for weighing things if love is really love or just something that is so abstract a concept that we do not know what love really is and how to love at all.

i opened my email with a heavy heart.  and guess what i have in my inbox? Ten Secrets to Fulfilling Relationships from "Take Flight" of 'Love Quotes'.

i would like to share this message to everyone.  am the idealist type and people like me can not tolerate shortcomings that easy.  am not even sure if this could help, but who knows, it might!

1.        The first secret? the power of THOUGHT.
Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships.
Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and
others. If we want to love someone, we need to consider their needs and desires.

2.        The second secret? the power of GIVING.
If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. Before committing to a relationship, ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what will you be able to give them. The secret formula of a happy, lifelong, loving relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of what you can take.

3.        The third secret? the power of RESPECT.
You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The
first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect ask yourself, "What do I respect about myself?" To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself "What do I respect about them?"

4.        The fourth secret? the power of FRIENDSHIP.
To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other's eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love them for who they are, not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love's seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.

5.        The fifth secret? the power of LETTING GO.
If you love something, let it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours; if it doesn't, it never was. Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions. "Today I let go of all my fears, the past has no power over me - today is the beginning of a new life."

6.        The sixth secret? the power of COMMUNICATION.
When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: "I Love You." Never let an opportunity pass to praise someone.  Always leave someone you love with a loving word - it could be the last time you see them! If you were about to die but could make telephone calls to the people you loved, who would you call, what would you say and ... why are you waiting?

7.        The seventh secret? the power of COMMITMENT.
If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong one.

8.        The eighth secret? the power of PASSION.
Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone, it comes from deep commitment,
enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be recreated by
recreating past experiences when you felt passionate. Spontaneity and
surprises produce passion. The essence of love and happiness are the same; all we need to do is to live each day with passion.

9.        The ninth secret? the power of TOUCH.
Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down
barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.

10.        The tenth secret? the power of TRUST.
Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it, one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels trapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust them completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. One of the ways you can tell whether a person is right for you is to ask yourself, "Do I trust them completely and unreservedly?" If the answer is "no", think carefully before making a commitment.


i hope this brightens your day, just as it did mine.  now i can have something to give to those friends breaking up (because sometimes all i  am capable of giving them is a blank stare as i think of my own relationships with the people i love when they come crying on my shoulder).